Highlights of Life

can’t sleep

My sleep cycle is all screwed up. Traveling doesn’t help one bit, and it is especially true if you change time zones.

I’ve just realized how weird facebook can be. Maybe linked-in as well. Today at the airport, at my departure place, I noted this rather elderly asian woman traveling with her daughter. I just suspected she was Chinese and was so busy with security that she didn’t even register on my radar.

However, when we arrived at our destination, I again noticed they were standing right behind me at the checked-in luggage carousel. Since the luggage was taking a while to arrive, my gaze just drifted around and noted the people standing around. People watching is what I sometimes love to do as a hobby. Nothing more fascinating than people sometimes. And as I looked a little closer at the Asian lady and her daughter, I suddenly realized I knew the daughter.

Well, not really. We had never been formerly introduced before. It just so happened that she was one of the friends of one of my facebook friends/acquaintances. She truly didn’t know me and I didn’t know her. There was that awkward split second where I suddenly recognized her face, then turned around and wondered if she recognized mine as well.

I honestly didn’t feel like socializing at that particular moment, tired, and exhausted from a 5-6 hour flight… the last thing I wanted to do was walk up to a complete stranger and introduce myself. What I desperately wanted was to find my checked-in luggage, and leave the area, get into the nearest car, and leave the airport. I am sure she may have felt the same. Afterall… we truly didn’t know each other.

So I simply did just that. I pretended I didn’t recognize her, and simply waited for my luggage and left. But now it makes me wonder… I don’t think I would have done that to someone I had met at a party, who happened to be a friend of a friend. But what are the rules and etiquettes that follow when you meet someone who is a friend of a friend on your facebook page? Are we to randomly go up to people and say hello?

Truly a silly question really. It’s one of those things you ponder as you wake up at the weirdest time of the night. Useless and trivial. Nothing important. Just something random.

I think as a Christian, God asks us to interact with the world. To be engaged by the people he put in it. To always be open to meeting someone, somewhere, and perhaps hearing his word, and doing what he asks us to do at that particular moment. Ah… but the human side of me, that is so selfish and uncaring sometimes simply wants to tune the world out, when I am busy, and involved in a task, or an errand that seems chore-like… I simply want to complete it and walk away.

There was a time in my life, my undergrad/university years, when I probably would have simply gone up to a stranger and introduced myself if the moment seemed appropriate. But over the years, the more adult version of “me” is so much more proper and business-like. I sometimes wonder if I put a hedge of protection around myself sometimes. A personal space zone that I sometimes don’t let people into, simply because I like my privacy, and my business to remain my business.

All the years of training as an asian pastor’s kid (PK) surely didn’t help that. I learnt how to read people, and be cautious, and watch my words with wisdom and understanding. To know that adults can ask a child a question that is none of their business, and to learn the trade of carefully sidestepping an unwanted question of intrusion.

But ultimately, whatever I may have learnt as a child, does not make the person that I am today. It may help shape and form me, and enable me with skills and understanding of certain situations.. but ultimately, my behavior is a result of my adult decision to behave in that particular manner. Free will, ain’t it grand?

As a Christian, God asks us to be transparent and loving of others. To be open and caring. But by the same token, I don’t think He asks us to be foolish and stupid either in our relationships. Proverbs is one of the best books in helping one understand how to interact in this world with others, in a godly manner. The verse that comes to mind is something about the beginning of fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom…ooops sorry, my misquote.. that verse is actually, “Fear of the Lord, is the beginning of knowledge.”

But I ramble on at this rather odd time of night. I think I will read a bit of the bible and go to sleep.

Reminders..

A few days ago, I was at the gym. And as I was waiting for someone, I stood next to the window that overlooks the pool and whirlpool and peered out at the swimmers. And I noticed a lady that was standing next to me, who looked kind of short, Asian and slightly elderly/middle aged. She had clearly come from the sauna and whirlpool as her face was flushed, and her hair was slicked back. And at that moment, for a split second, she acutely looked like my mother.

Lately, I’ve noticed that my mother really enjoys going to a local neighbourhood gym (when she has the energy to). Not because she works out per se, but because she loves to use the sauna, whirlpool and showers. I guess it probably feels like what the public showers felt like in Asia…which is a pampering and relaxing experience. I also notice that at the gym that I frequent, when it hits around 9pm to 12pm (it’s a 24 hour gym), all the little Asian parents tend to come out of the woodwork, all kind of looking like what my mom looks like after using the sauna. Flushed faces, with wet slicked back hair… clearly having enjoyed the shower/sauna system in the gym.

It’s funny how certain things can trigger images of the ones you love. For instance, after my grandmother died, I was going up an escalator when I noticed some colourful scarves hanging in the display of a store window, and was acutely reminded of the many scarves my grandmother used to have and tie around her head whenever she went out. The last time she left her home in the ambulance, she asked me to bring me her scarf to tie around her head before she left (for which I did). And at that very moment, I felt incredibly sad.

Well… only a few days ago, this Asian lady who had walked out the sauna/showers reminded me very acutely of my mom. And at that moment, I was also reminded that I should spend more quality time with her while she is alive rather than grieving for her once she is passed away.  To show love to the ones you love, while you can, rather than regret the missed opportunities once they are gone. Yes… that too is a way to honour one’s parents.

I was then reminded as well of the many wonderful Korean recipes I had yet to learn from my mom while she was still able to teach me. Then the list of things I still needed to learn how to cook started to grow in my head…

kimchi
bee-ji (made of soybeans and incredibly healthy)
soybean milk ( homemade and incredibly healthy)
tofu (yes… she knows how to make tofu from scratch!)
mi-yuk guk (seaweed soup)
man-doo guk (dumpling soup)
man-doo (dumplings all from scratch)

and the list started to grow endlessly….

It’s funny how in a split second, so many thoughts can go through your mind.

Have decided that once a week (on the weekends), if I cannot drop by and see my parents, I will at least give them a telephone call to say hello…  just to let them know that I’m thinking of them, and still honouring them… for giving birth to me. 

to dream big

The more I live in the States, I can’t help but marvel at how there is this incredible opportunity everywhere you go.  There is this inbuilt, unsaid code that kind of permeates every part of living in the US… and that is the thought that you can achieve whatever you want.  This is not to say poverty and homeless does not exist in the States, as it does. 

However, I notice that living in the US is kind of like living in the wild wild west.  There are these incredible chances and opportunities to succeed and achieve whatever you want, if you so desire and pursue it.  And by the word “success”, I am not talking about the financial rewards, but rather the true success of ultimately achieving the goals and dreams we all have deep in our hearts.  Gone is the hopelessness, and sense of despair that is often visible in areas of the world, where there is extreme competition, and a lack of opportunity.

With such a large economy, one can’t help but succeed if they work at it.  And I think that is the beauty of the US.  It’s such a breeding ground for creativity, and ingenuity.  Be it inventors, or entrepreneurs, or people with a dream (i.e. Martin Luther King, YWAM founder), it seems many of them have come from the USA.  There is an incredible sense of optimism that I often don’t see in Canada or the UK.   (and in no means am I saying you can’t achieve your dreams in the UK or Canada.. but simply that it seems much easier to do so in the USA).

When I was a little kid, my mother once told me a story that ended with the saying that people who want to succeed in life, go to a place where there is much opportunity for them to succeed.  In her specific story, the place that held much opportunity was a large cosmopolitan city.  I think to some degree she was correct.  I think that whatever field you may be in, you need to go to the place where it is the hub or center of that particular activity to truly contribute towards the dream (at least initially anyways).

For example, when we think of the acting industry, I think we often see people who pursue their acting careers ending up in Hollywood, California.  They don’t go to Paris (France), or London (England), or Toronto (Canada).  No, instead their ultimate destination is Hollywood, California.  That is because the economy of the movie industry is largely based out of Hollywood, and that is where the large number of opportunities exist.  It makes perfect sense really.

And to be truthfully honest, the opportunity and optimism I find here in the US is invigorating and challenging at the same time.  Exciting.  Yes, that is the only word I can use.  Everyday seems like an adventure, and a fun one at that.

The waiting game…

Well, ever since Stephen Harper got into power, his government has agreed that all Canadians will travel into the US with a valid passport.  And it just so happens, I had to send my passport back because of an error last week. 

So I am without a “valid” passport, and I also have a ticket to LAX this coming Saturday.  Now waiting for my passport to arrive by Friday of this week, is making me very antsy, and worried.  Should it not arrive in time, it also means that not only will I miss my trip out to LA, but also end up paying quite a bit of money cancelling my plane tickets… never mind the stuff I had planned to do out there.

On a lighter note, the weather outside is extremely cold here in Toronto.  It’s actually bitterly cold.  The type of cold that when you add the wind chill factor in, it feels like -30 degrees celcius.  The type of weather that makes you want to hibernate beneath your blankets and stay home all day.

This year, it feels like the quiet before the storm.  Well.. not exactly a storm.  More like the quiet before something big (in a good way) happens.  I really don’t know what the “big” event(s) will be, other than the fact that I am moving to a new city in the next month permanently.  I’ve also started a new program, and will be attending a new church, and living in a new city.  Oh yeah.. I already mentioned the city.

Moving is a big deal for.  It always has been.  Having moved around so much as a young child, I quickly learned to hate moving with a passion that you would not believe.  Literally.  I absolutely hate moving.  Even to this day.  Nothing makes me feel more out of control sometimes than moving.  Nothing makes my emotions come boiling right to the top, than the thought of moving.

My family moved around so much, that often I attended a new school every year.  So much so, that during my elementary and highschool years, I think I attended more than 10 schools! Incredible really. 

But the reality is, that the process of moving, has shaped and formed the person that I am today.  Oddly enough, it has forced me to learn on my feet, and quickly adapt to new situations.  Put me in a room full of people, and I can quickly strike up a conversation with whomever about whatever in a matter of minutes.  Almost like a chameleon, I can adapt and make myself fit right in.  I’ve learnt to listen, and ask questions.  In many ways, it’s taught to really enjoy and delight in how people are so different and interesting. 

It’s a blessing in some ways, but in others, it has also developed a bad habit in me.  I do not make much effort to hold onto my friendships.   Once I move to a new city, I don’t put the effort into a relationship, to make it continue to thrive.  If I have friendships that have survived over the years, it’s often purely due to my friend having made all the effort to keep in touch.  That is something I need to work on.

Anyways, tonight I have a lot of time on my hands for the very first time.  But I suspect as the week starts to wind down, my timetable will begin to wind up.