Motherhood is a lot of work. But I wouldn’t trade it in for the world. I adore my baby… and as I watch her grow up so quickly everyday, I wonder at God’s grace, and beauty. How awesome He is in creating something so wonderful.

As she is now about 9 months old, the desire is stirring once more to perhaps consider a sibling for our little one. Just because I’ve had one child… doesn’t mean the desire to have another child disappears… infact, it’s stronger. Having experienced the joy of motherhood… I only seem to want more. It’s like an addictive drug.. only so much better (not that I’ve tried addictive drugs), but I can only imagine.

The little one is growing every day. I really should start scrapbooking her growth … but I haven’t yet. One of these days, I will. Before she turns 3 or so…

I find that when walk into the bedroom where my baby child is sleeping, and look down at her, an incredible sense of absolute love overwhelms me, and it is basically one of the best moments in my day.  As I stare down at her sleeping form, so quiet, so peaceful, so sweet, I can’t help but fall in love with her all over again.  I marvel at her sweet posture, and her absolutely serene facial expressions… and as I watch her breathe in, and out… there is nothing more sweeter than my sleeping child.

I wonder, how much more God must love us as a father, and is what I am feeling for my daughter, any inkling of what he must feel for me?

What a prophetic song that Steven Curtis Chapman wrote about in his CD that includes “CInderella” and “Miracle of the Moment”….

As I sit and listen to some of SCC’s songs and read about his personal tragedy with his youngest daughter, my heart is moved and grieves over what happened to his family.

And as I hear the song Miracle of the Moment, I can’t help but be touched by the absolute truth of the song. How worrying about the future won’t add another day, and anxiety and worry and fears will do squat for our situation. And in the midst of my utter exhaustion and fatigue over caring for our newborn, I am absolutely touched by God’s grace through the lyrics of this song.

Cause truth be told, exhaustion and fatigue can take away from any wonder in any moment. And as I sat here feeding and burping my child this morning, and counting the minutes before she fell asleep (and she is a darn good sleeper and a non-fussy child), and as my mind ran through the lists of things I needed to do before her next wake cycle and feeding, I suddenly realized how I had let the business of the future crowd the enjoyment of the moment. It then hit me as I sat there holding and cradling my sleeping daughter in my arms, how absolutely wonderful the moment was, and what a blessing God had given us.

I then breathed a deep breath in, and simply enjoyed the blessing that moment brought… to be holding my sleeping daughter quietly in my arms. Simultaneously, I realized how she would not always forever be this size, where I could totally hold her entirely in my arms, and that one of these days, our daughter would grow up. And that although I may mind her 3 hourly feedings, and changing her diapers, and being woken up at 1am or 4am in the mornings to stumble around to meet her needs in my sleep, in light of her actual presence and contribution to our family life, I absolutely loved her and those tasks didn’t seem so terrible after all.

Anyways, “Miracle of the Moment” is a wonderful song that reminds us of God’s absolute grace and mercy. Of how in each moment, when we can only see the negative aspects of fatigue and exhaustion, there is a wonderful silver and gold lining the moment that shouldn’t be missed. That if we go around becoming anxious and worried over the little things, we forget and overlook the many blessings God has included in that particular moment.

Great song…

It’s time for letting go
All of our “if onlies”
Cause we don’t have a time machine

And even if we did
Would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There’s only One who knows
What’s really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history

And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart

And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go
Let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go

And listen to your heartbeat

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

Last month, we gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Part Asian and part East Indian, and 100% American, she is absolutely beautiful. Now about 1 month later after giving birth to her, I sit here and wonder at the absolutely incredible miracle that God has given us. I understand she is not mine, and not ours… not like a piece of furniture which one owns, but rather, she is absolutely His (ie. God’s), and precious in His sight. Likewise, we are entrusted as her parents to take care of her and bring her up to fulfill her destiny.

But during these absolutely quiet moments in the night, there is an awe that still fills my heart. Initially it was an awe that this human life came from inside my womb, and was created by God. The thought just filled me with wonder. And during the initial few weeks, there was this incredible awe at how fragile and small she was. She was literally limp as a newborn, with little muscle strength… and that fact along with that God would entrust her wellbeing to us was awe inspiring.

Now tonight, as I look at her peaceful and quiet sleeping face, I can not but wonder at how great God is. How faithful, and great He is. To create life…. and to know she is fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. wow.

And as a new parent, to know that Steven Curtis Chapman recently lost his daughter this year, is heart breaking. To hear his song, “Cinderalla” is heart wrenching, as I come to the realization that our life on earth is temporary, and and fleeting and that every moment with our children should be cherished and loved.

Already as she grows, day-by-day, I can not believe how incredible the human body is… and how fast children grow up. And likewise, I remember that our children is not our little demi-gods, to be worshiped as so many parents are prone to do these days in today’s society. Living rooms overfilled with toys beyond what 100 children could possibly play with (let alone 1 single child), and obsessing over the best school district, today’s parents have become so hung up over children, that I’m thinking it’s probably not the model of family life that God intended.

So it is our goal to bring up our little newborn to be godly woman of God, who knows God as her personal Saviour, and to teach her what God would want us to teach. To equip her and provide love and shelter and with all that she needs to be a wise young woman of God who loves God with all her heart, soul and mind. This is our goal. And some days, as a new parent, simply getting through the day, and through our extreme fatigue and exhaustion seems like a daunting task… but I guess with God’s help, all things are possible (and that is all we need).

So praise God, for His goodness, and His extreme wisdom in knowing what is good for us, and His provision and most of all, His grace… and His mercy. May we be the parents that God intends and wants us to be. Amen.

This week, I’m able to spend sometime with my mother. She’s been giving me the royal treatment, cooking this wonderful chicken soup that is simply divine and hearty and warming right down to the tip of the toes. Heavenly….

And I feel so blessed. I know it’s the way she shows her love for me… by doing stuff for me… cooking and other motherly things… and I am thankful to God for the many blessings in my life. For simple pleasures like enjoying my mother’s cooking.

She’s been not feeling well lately. I have a suspicion that she may have had another stroke. She complains about not being able to use her right hand properly. And one of her front tooth broke last week, and she had it extracted (rather painfully too, I might add). Sometimes I feel so bad for her, but there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do. My life is so busy with my own stuff these days, that I can’t seem to make the time to help her out too much. *sigh*… and that bothers me.

I sometimes feel like the time I have with my parents are limited… and it makes me want to be more selfish and grab more time with them as much as I can… while they are still able to spend time with me. That thought makes me feel rather down and a bit pressured these days. Or perhaps it’s the guilt of being so far away from them sometimes as well.

I am lucky to know that my parents loved me and still love me… and for that I am so deeply grateful. I know some people don’t know how much their parents love them (when they do) and miss out on many blessings that are available to them. I also know our family may not have been the ideal loving picture of the Brady Bunch family… dysfunctional and Asian all the way, but that’s OK… because each and every person and family is different. Despite our dysfunctionality, there was a love that my parents gave us, and as an adult today, I now know and appreciate very much.

I only hope that I can be as selfless as my mother was, as idealistic as my father was, as caring as my mother, and as prayerful as my dad was. It’s sad to realize that my parents are getting old and on in years, and it’s sad to see them looking so frail. Sometimes I wonder how did all this time pass, cause sometimes I still feel like a little kid around them… and yet now seeing them so fragile, I want to simply sweep them up into my arms and hug them and protect them. And that thought kind of makes me want to cry at their humanity and frailty. Ah… perhaps I’m getting too sentimental.

sigh.

I find it really interesting that there has recently been a flurry of reports in the media of people who have won the lottery.  People who were suddenly given millions and millions of dollars that they had only dreamed up of before.  Anyways, the documentary (?) by the tv company does a biography of these various instant millionaires, and how their lives turned out after becoming one of the fortunate few.  Unfortunately for them, their lives all end in tragedy or misery or divorce or suicide or drugs or lawsuits or any combination of the above.

Some of these folks are good church going people as well.  It’s baffling to me really.  How winning incredible sums of monies actually end up being a curse upon these peoples lives, and they end up being more miserable than when their life was poor and full of hardship.

Hmmm.  Food for thought.   I am sure there is a biblical proverb in there somewhere.  It’s just not coming to mind at the moment….

how blessed life is.  I just realized today as I looked at a friends photos of Africa, it struck me exactly how privileged we are to live in such a rich and wealthy country.   Although the photos were absolutely gorgeous, and it took your breath away, at the same time, you couldn’t help but cry out for the children in the pictures.  Walking around barefoot, in tattered clothing, following the tourists and mesmerized by the cameras, and unable to attend school, the photos were heart breaking.  Pictures of little girls doing their chores, and pictures of children asking for pens, the absolutely astounding level of poverty simply screamed out at you.  It was heart wrenching.  At the same time, all the children were full of smiles.

And here we are living in North America, with our stomachs full, with opportunity and wealth and blessings at every turn, and we take it all for granted… and forget what He has done for us.   How sad a picture it is… for the ones who want, and the ones who have.

This morning, as I read some blogs on the net, some questions crossed my mind. Or more truthfully, I was disturbed reading the posts. Disturbed, not in a good, inspired and awesome way, but more disturbed in a shocked negative way by the heretical teachings I had come to peruse.

First the notion of God being male or female. The blogger was interchangably using God as he/she, him/her, it/they/them etc. I think God is beyond being put into this little gender box. To argue male or female would be a futile argument. BUT – given that the Bible does take the notion of referring to God as “He”, and “Father” rather than “she” and “Mother”, it would be prudent to continue that line of thinking. To be inordinately caught up in society’s “politically correct” atmosphere and use “politically correct” terms seems to be bit of a fool’s argument.

Second, the notion of quieting one’s mind to the point of emptying it out. To me, that seems a teeny weeny bit dangerous. Emptying oneself to the point of being a blank slate, seems to be what non-Christian monks did to meditate and reach a higher level of “enlightenment”. To fall into this vague and mindless and pointless state of just “being”… and to be constantly be “in that moment” throughout one’s day and life seems to have very little usefulness.

Meditating on God’s words is a good idea. Prayerfully being quiet while praying, to hearing God’s words, is also a good idea. But to completely and empty oneself every single moment of the day, without filling up on God’s teachings… what exactly is the purpose???

There were more things in the blogger’s post that were disturbing as well. The notion that church, by the mere fact of having become an institution, was inherently bad.  It was not the construct that Jesus intended it to be, and therefore it was bad.  As a Christian, I have to respond by saying that we should know better and understand that church is not an institution, or an organization, but rather the body of God.  It serves to edify, and serve other members in the body.  However, being such a large group of people, it may become organized into a structure and function in a certain manner.  This doesn’t necessarily mean it is inherently evil or terrible.

Anyways, I really should read things more edifying, than blogs that may contain nothing more than mere fools gold, so early in the morning.  Perhaps it was just a blogger full of hippies with heretical ideas.  Who knows.

My sleep cycle is all screwed up. Traveling doesn’t help one bit, and it is especially true if you change time zones.

I’ve just realized how weird facebook can be. Maybe linked-in as well. Today at the airport, at my departure place, I noted this rather elderly asian woman traveling with her daughter. I just suspected she was Chinese and was so busy with security that she didn’t even register on my radar.

However, when we arrived at our destination, I again noticed they were standing right behind me at the checked-in luggage carousel. Since the luggage was taking a while to arrive, my gaze just drifted around and noted the people standing around. People watching is what I sometimes love to do as a hobby. Nothing more fascinating than people sometimes. And as I looked a little closer at the Asian lady and her daughter, I suddenly realized I knew the daughter.

Well, not really. We had never been formerly introduced before. It just so happened that she was one of the friends of one of my facebook friends/acquaintances. She truly didn’t know me and I didn’t know her. There was that awkward split second where I suddenly recognized her face, then turned around and wondered if she recognized mine as well.

I honestly didn’t feel like socializing at that particular moment, tired, and exhausted from a 5-6 hour flight… the last thing I wanted to do was walk up to a complete stranger and introduce myself. What I desperately wanted was to find my checked-in luggage, and leave the area, get into the nearest car, and leave the airport. I am sure she may have felt the same. Afterall… we truly didn’t know each other.

So I simply did just that. I pretended I didn’t recognize her, and simply waited for my luggage and left. But now it makes me wonder… I don’t think I would have done that to someone I had met at a party, who happened to be a friend of a friend. But what are the rules and etiquettes that follow when you meet someone who is a friend of a friend on your facebook page? Are we to randomly go up to people and say hello?

Truly a silly question really. It’s one of those things you ponder as you wake up at the weirdest time of the night. Useless and trivial. Nothing important. Just something random.

I think as a Christian, God asks us to interact with the world. To be engaged by the people he put in it. To always be open to meeting someone, somewhere, and perhaps hearing his word, and doing what he asks us to do at that particular moment. Ah… but the human side of me, that is so selfish and uncaring sometimes simply wants to tune the world out, when I am busy, and involved in a task, or an errand that seems chore-like… I simply want to complete it and walk away.

There was a time in my life, my undergrad/university years, when I probably would have simply gone up to a stranger and introduced myself if the moment seemed appropriate. But over the years, the more adult version of “me” is so much more proper and business-like. I sometimes wonder if I put a hedge of protection around myself sometimes. A personal space zone that I sometimes don’t let people into, simply because I like my privacy, and my business to remain my business.

All the years of training as an asian pastor’s kid (PK) surely didn’t help that. I learnt how to read people, and be cautious, and watch my words with wisdom and understanding. To know that adults can ask a child a question that is none of their business, and to learn the trade of carefully sidestepping an unwanted question of intrusion.

But ultimately, whatever I may have learnt as a child, does not make the person that I am today. It may help shape and form me, and enable me with skills and understanding of certain situations.. but ultimately, my behavior is a result of my adult decision to behave in that particular manner. Free will, ain’t it grand?

As a Christian, God asks us to be transparent and loving of others. To be open and caring. But by the same token, I don’t think He asks us to be foolish and stupid either in our relationships. Proverbs is one of the best books in helping one understand how to interact in this world with others, in a godly manner. The verse that comes to mind is something about the beginning of fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom…ooops sorry, my misquote.. that verse is actually, “Fear of the Lord, is the beginning of knowledge.”

But I ramble on at this rather odd time of night. I think I will read a bit of the bible and go to sleep.